I have a confession. I’ve never thought much of you. I’m sorry, you always seemed like a tremendously overpriced city on a small rock with some large, tall buildings jockeying for prominence. Driving back from New Jersey the other night, I finally realized how pretty you can be. And don’t even get me started on your subway system. I fucking love that thing. It’s like tangible teleportation! Not that I expect anyone else to see it that way. I don’t know why anyone would want a car. Speaking of which, your traffic is fucking batshit insane. I don’t understand the purpose of rules if you’re not going to follow them. In fact, the only rule I’ve seen consistently observed is the one prohibiting right hand turns at red lights. Why? Florida doesn’t even have that law. Lanes aren’t really used as lanes, they just seem to be strange markings on asphalt. Anyway, I just wanted to apologize. I like you, New York. I wouldn’t even be opposed to living here. And that’s pretty high praise for me.
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